Fast Love

I thought it was okay for us to act so juvenile.
I thought it’s what people starting out in relationships do.

Puppy love starts out great and giddy.
First and second dates turn from bashful to exciting.
Casual dating grows quickly to mutually exclusive.

If we were both chasing love and happiness,
then the goals were clear.
No matter how many differences, we’d get there somehow.
Because the sex was animal.
The lust was ravenous.

But alas, like oil and water. You can mix and mix and mix.
Go as fast at it and as hard at it you want in the beginning,
In a matter of a short while though, the two always separate.

Because fast love isn’t real.
They’re out as quickly as they came in.
Leaving you still pulling up a bra strap, when they’ve already called a cab.

 

What Forgetting You is Like

Forgetting you is like rolling down the window driving on the coast and not smelling the musky salt water.
Forgetting you is like tapping on the table with my fingers and not hearing a sound,
it’s biting into an apple and not having a memorable sweetness explode on my tastebuds.

Forgetting you is like waking up and not seeing sunlight bleed through my curtains,
it’s touching cotton without feeling the soft warmth of a coat in an autumn night.

Forgetting you is forcing myself to forget the 5 senses. If I can smell, hear, taste, see and feel – you are there.

The way your scent is everywhere on my pillows and old jackets.
The way your old records are sitting on my shelf giving me a glimpse back into our old life when you’d take my hand and swing my body around to the tunes.
The way your silent breathing through the night calms me and helps me sleep.
The way your body felt in the morning when I climbed closer to steal your warmth.
The way your tongue tasted minty and aged after you’ve brushed your teeth from drinking whiskey all night.

Even when you aren’t here, all my memory stayed.

Forgetting you is like holding onto what’s familiar,
It’s expecting what was there to always be there.

My five senses will always hold you in memory, even when you aren’t here.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

SATC: the friends I’ve always wanted

In my quest to live alone in my late twenties while I sort out my life, I’ve come to realize there’s quite a bit of down time between getting off from work and sleep.

Thanks to streaming services like Netflix & Hulu, it’s fostered a new routine: binge watch old shows and reconnect with some of my favorite heroines.

Time & time again though, I find myself harkening back to SATC. Yup, Sex & the City with Carrie’s unrequited love for Big, Samantha’s unwavering demand for her individuality, Miranda’s unforgiving nature to put work always first, and Charlotte’s undying hunt for the model husband.

Samantha struts strength in her Louboutins and brings independence towards every relationship in her life. It’s always about Samantha. It’s about putting her wants and needs first and never compromising or sacrificing that for anyone or anything. Going through a breakup? Samantha would be the first you’d text and by 7PM you’re already 3 scotches deep, eyeing the 6 foot 3 beachy manbun AND his best friend with the perfect jawline. She’ll catch on and give her nod of approval and say, “Options girl, you now got options instead of the loser you were tied to three hours ago.”

Miranda’s climbed the glass ceiling and fully smashed it when she became a partner at her firm. What an inspiration as she juggled being a single mom while she continued to be a top lawyer in NYC. The days we feel we can’t have it all, we all channel a little inner Miranda and remember we can do it and to keep going.

I want nothing more than to have the positivity Charlotte shines in all her endeavors. She’s able to find the most radiant flower in the darkest nook and cranny. Imagine going through a rough day and calling her up to come over with wine. You know she’ll have your apartment smelling like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies & buttery popcorn evenly salted to perfection while she sits with you on your loveseat listening to your problems.

Last but certainly not least, Carrie. We all learn through her mistakes. We all carry a little piece of her as we go through our own adulthood and trials in love. She taught us that in a way, we tend to always fall for the same person because we gravitate towards what we like. She gave us the hall pass to go back to the ex because sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. She documented her pain the way we type love into words on pages. We bleed suffering onto this blog holding on to memories the way she did in her column.

These four forces have been such role models in my upbringing. I guess they’ve always been my friend as I made my own mistakes and confronted my own failures.