26 Things I Still Remind Myself after I turned 26

  1. dont apologize when you don’t have anything to be sorry for
  2. read the email before you send it. then read it again.
  3. things usually don’t work out for a reason. trust the universe
  4. be kind anyway
  5. goals matter. Make a 25 by 25 or a 50 by 50. then live it out or ponder back and see how much adventure you still have left
  6. hold the door open. Figuratively & Literally
  7. few friends last a lifetime. Forgive them when they’re not the best version of themselves
  8. you’re never going to have this body again
  9. if you have to think about whether you should text/post for more than 30 secs. dont do it – it’s never worth it
  10. if you can’t laugh at yourself, it’s going to be a long life
  11. always have a 5 year plan
  12. don’t burn bridges. it’s a small world
  13. close your mouth and open your eyes
  14. there is absolutely no substitute for class. if you have to say you’re a lady, you’re probably not
  15. make your own rules
  16. details matter. they really really matter
  17. never let them see you cry
  18. preparation > luck
  19. no one else can make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself
  20. if you don’t want anyone to find out. don’t do it.
  21. paste a smile on your face and fake it till you make it
  22. don’t waste your time trying to make other people look bad. make yourself indispensable.
  23. figure out your go-to restaurant, bar, city attraction, cocktail and bag.
  24. Trust that voice in your head. Trust your gut. Trust the Butterflies
  25. Appearances matter. It may be unfair, superficial, but they do. Get a manicure. Invest in a nice bag. Figure out the best makeup and clothing style for you.
  26. Hug your parents. Tell Them Thank you.
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[5] reasons he’s your Mr. Wrong

What makes him the Mr. Wrong in all the right ways? Here’s the telltale list:

  1. Everything about him is yummylicious, he has no flaws. His hair, his chiseled bod, his cute cute smile when he looks at you, and most of all his playfulness in which you already know deep down there’s an expiration date on this relationship you have with this manchild. If he has no flaws, you’re clearly at a stage where you’re blinded by his twinkling Edward Cullen skin and thousand watt smile. It’s okay to notice flaws and accept them. But if you’re telling all your gal pals at brunch that this dude is 100% flawless… check yourself before you wreck yourself. At one point, he’ll fall off the pedestal and you’ll be hurt by how much you were blinded.
  2. You want the limited supply. You know you really shouldn’t like him because he rarely ever replies back and when he does, he just seems aloof- all the more reasons for you to want him more, right? We never want the surplus of resources now do we? We’re always coveting something when it’s “limited.” It’s crazy how much we analyze a mere text. Ask him, “hang out later?” and he replies, “Yeah hit me up.” Cue the mind going bonkers with: “No smiley face… is he not interested?!” Or “Okay, he replied back in less than 10 minutes, he must be into me” or “Does he really mean for me to call him? Should I wait until he calls?”
  3. Making plans and flaking. Errr, red alert! If a true man, (not a fuckboy) made plans to see you, he’d follow through. I get the personal emergencies that could arise but if he’s making plans with you and flaking more than a few times, you know you’re not a priority. I don’t care how adorable those dimples are! You deserve someone who would put you in the priority you deserve. If you’re blocking out your schedule to spend time with him, then he should be doing the same. Don’t be an option!
  4. The Chameleon Paradigm. Do not forget the person you are. I’m sure we’ve all done this at one point in our lives. I’ll be frank, there was once a crush I wanted to impress so bad, I even added Facebook likes to something he’d be into as well. (Lame, I know, but at least I’m woman enough to admit it) Just because he loves loves loves watching basketball, does not mean you should be studying up on J.R. Smith’s draft history. He should like you for the differences that make you unique. So if he admires Game of Thrones, it doesn’t mean you should watch the first 6 seasons in one week so you two have something to talk about. He’ll have his friends for that. If you find yourself changing your spots to make him like you better… you’ve already fallen prey to what I call the Chameleon Paradigm.
  5. The shoe just doesn’t seem to fit. No matter what, there’s always a question in your mind whether to trust him or whether he’s right for you. The allure in the mystery is what keeps you interested, but is that really what you want? Stop trying to piece something together if there’s always a missing piece. Fact of the matter is, the pieces you hold won’t fit because he’s not the right puzzle.

If you can relate- pump the brakes. Look at yourself in the rear view mirror and just stop. Stop freaking out. Stop overanalyzing. If it feels so frustrating now, are you sure this is what you want to continue on with? When it’s right, and trust me, this is going to take time and age, you’ll be less anxious and more happy.

“but some part of it will always not feel right”

I was trying to explain to her what she could not grasp.

I wasn’t unhappy in my relationship by any means, maybe just stuck in a conundrum.

“It’s like there’s a bottle and a cap, and no matter how I try to screw on the cap, it doesn’t seem to fit perfectly –

It still functions as a bottle in that the cap screws on and nothing will spill out nor would anything fall in. The bottle still works, but some part of it will always not feel right.”

That was the best way for me to explain my conundrum.

PRICK

He leaves a thorn in my sides as each passing day goes by that we are together.

Toxic relationships grow and grow. The thorns prick my skin one by one; day by day until there’s no surface left to puncture me. He’s taken all of me.

So when the time finally comes, and I’ve mustered enough bravery to leave and let it all go, it takes one day at a time to pluck out each thorn he’s left in me.

The recovery is painful, they say. The recovery is hard.

And as each day I pull with might, I feel the twinge of throbbing memories being yanked out. The petals glisten and cheer.

The buds start to say, it’s one step closer to leaving it behind. Thorns no longer impaling my emptiness but piling up on the ground where I left the rest of that darkness.

 

6AM

6am is my favorite time of the day. The world actually comes to a halt. Flurries of emails haven’t stormed my phone. Streets haven’t been stacked with cars armed for swerving battles. The day is open and quiet. My mind has a small snippet of tranquility.

The timer on my coffee machine sets off and gorgeous brewing amber races for my mug. The scent fogs my living room while the sun barely peeks out yawning and stretching its sunshine through the clouds.

My keyboard readies itself to create symphonies. The flickering line in an open doc waiting for today’s rhythm to start. I lightly place my fingers above and start to type; spilling feelings, rage, characters with unimaginable valor, and pasts with wounded scars.

My mind is clear and hopeful that for the next 24 hours maybe just maybe… my life and the stories I create have a chance of something new, something great, and something memorable. 

6am is my favorite time of day.

The lie that being busy means “Success”

I’ve had many dreams as a little girl- ballerina, actress, librarian, lawyer, astronaut… but those roles wavered with my interests and realizations of growing up. My own available talents I harnessed over the years weaved limitations to what my future could really unfold one day. Those wild dreams turned into past fantasy and a new vision emerged. I was unsure what paths I’d take into adulthood, but I was certain of one thing. I hungered for a career that kept me utterly busy. Why? Because at some point in my upbringing, we were told the lie that being busy meant success. Now, I find even at my quarter-century age, “busyness” isn’t necessarily a good thing. Success can be discovered without driving my stress level to new heights.

Success is having a home where you can still unleash the inner self you hide from stupid societal norms.

Success is enjoying your nights without feeling compelled to check your emails after hours.

Just because I’m not busy working, doesn’t mean I’m not successful.

Stop pretending that keeping busy is a good thing.

Once you realize that, you’ll be able to appreciate where you are more. You’ll be able to fully grasp that busyness = success has always been a lie.

L | EPHANT