The Little Things That Screw Us Up

We have one life to live and I fucking wasted it being unhappy seventy percent of the time, lost in my own head, tormenting myself by obsessing over the flaws in my DNA.

I’ve been really negative lately on nuisances in my life and finally, someone special looked me blankly in the face and said, “You have a negative outlook on life and try to control everything even when you can’t.”

So I started thinking about all the bull I have gripes with and what to do what it.

  1. Body image self-hate: Facebook is by far your worst enemy. As we age, it’s only natural we don’t look as happy and youthful as we used to be. All the “8 years ago memories with photos of you during your best body days” are over, but I now look at it as a challenge. That person is still me, if I’ve let myself go, I can still achieve that body with strenuous workouts. This new motivation isn’t just so I can feel better for myself, but continue a new lifestyle that will put my physical health on a new trajectory.
  2. Judging others: This is one big ball of fucking exhaustive energy you shouldn’t be exerting. Physical therapists that help to alleviate stress tell their patients, “Just be a hollow bamboo, let it pass on through.” Why do we spend countless minutes of our day looking sideways at things and people that don’t please us? Does it hurt our day? No, so cut the bad habit out. This attitude doesn’t help anyone.
  3. Making up excuses for other people’s actions: Um, so how do I put this lightly without breaking a glass for you. So you know that girl who hasn’t replied back in 3 days? She’s not interested. Period. Point. Blank. It’s 2018. Everyone’s basically attached to the hip with their smart phones, so if she hasn’t responded, you’re just not a priority. Instead of realizing this, you’re sitting there over analyzing and imagining that she must be overwhelmed with work or some other bullshit time consuming activity. But the facts are really staring you in the face and you’re not willing to believe it because you’re holding on to some hopeless romantic dream. Let that shit go& move on.

Take some time out today and reflect on these three things. Victim to all of the above? Free yourself and start training every day to realize what you’re doing and slowly let go of the bars in this prison that’s holding you back from being happier.

It’s going to be hard, I know. I’m working on myself too. It’s definitely hard not to judge someone who’s outfit is all wrong but they’re doing them, so why not do you? Let it pass in 2018. You’re much better than this.

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This is how you know you’re repressing your emotions

I recently read an article by one of my favorite Thought Catalog writers, Heidi Priebe. Interestingly enough, I had not realized what the type of person I am is exactly what she laid out below.

In the marathon to get to that better life for myself, I’ve shifted the focus from really reflecting on my feelings to keeping busy, taking care of others, and putting a positive “spin” on how I’m really doing.

The result? I end up crying out of nowhere. I can watch a TV show, and in a random matter of seconds, I’ll want to scream and tears will pour out. I can talk to a friend, then need to step away because I can feel these repressed feelings erupt like volcano.

Though Heidi’s article doesn’t tell us how to get better, she has perfectly laid out the different ways we are repressing our emotions so we can address these habits.

My biggest takeaways for my own emotional anarchy?

  1. Admit my problems are there, tap my fingers on the keyboard and start spilling the feelings on the pages.
  2. Let the winds guide me instead of controlling every event by trying to plan them so far ahead
  3. Ask and I shall receive. I can take care of others, but open the doors to let my family and friends in and take care of me from time to time.

Here’s the original post 🙂

And then I lied to myself, just as I always did

I’d lie to myself the same way I’d lie to my friends.

To make them feel better during their moments of suffering. I couldn’t assuage their grief, but I could inspire courage in them to move on…

Help them ease the pain clouding their every detrimental feelings.

So I lied to myself like I had lied to them-

“It will be better, you are strong enough to withstand this”

Even though I knew very well, it doesn’t get better. It will get worse. There will come a time where I will cry longer and harder than I have now, and that’s okay. Because I would rather be hurt, cry, and eventually move on, than live through anymore toxic days without a modicum of change.

..and I’ll keep lying to myself, till things actually get better.

The phrase, “Fake it till you make it” never felt truer.

 

Rain came, then Hurricane

An excerpt I had jotted down a couple years back..

I’ve had no motivation to write.

Sorry

It started to hurt so I used words as remedy,

Then the pain just went away…the grip I had on my pen loosened.

All my tears had dried.

Rain came, then hurricane.

I finally woke up and understood that happiness doesn’t come with others- it starts with the self.

I’ve said this before but writing has really become a great channel to alleviate any kind of pain you’re going through. Though time heals most wounds is the usual manta, I find that spilling words onto pages can bring this sense of lightness into your soul. It helps you pour your feels out and creates this realm of where you can keep it to yourself or share it with others without verbally needing to speak of it. Sure, there are moments I find tears welling but for the most part, it’s become much easier to translate my pain into the written word than the spoken suffering. Your throat tightens, your eyes get hot, and your chest starts to implode with fear you’ll start crying again. When that happens, remember to write: write about something happy- describe it in the most colorful of words or write about your pain in order to sort out why you are upset. Leave the anger there, and realize you’ll never get the next 60 seconds back, so would you rather spend it angry or happy? 

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