My heart’s never pounded so fast,
nor has it ever felt this empty.
My tongue’s never tasted so dry,
nor has it been so thirsty for another.
My head’s never been so tormented,
nor have I ever thought I’d be so happy with being so smitten.
This conundrum I have is both liberating and suffocating.
This is how I endure puppy love.
The silly moments where I am lost in lust
but found in love.
I was an optimistic fool each time I fell in love with you…thinking this time now that we’re older, it’ll be different.
Telling myself, this time I’m not just a convenience. You’re back in my life again because you wanted us back together.
Tricking my mind to believing this time you’ll actually stay.
Optimistic fool was right because when I blinked, you were gone again.
After a while he became more human to me. It was like the fantasy of a perfect man disappeared. I saw him as none other than a regular man- one who gave everything to himself yet only a small fragment to me.
My quintessential vision of us started to slip and I saw a man… a man who no longer stood out from the crowd.
As heartbreaking as that sounds, I was finally liberated of my toxic love for him. I loved him then. I love him now, and I’ll love him still but at least we became equals. He became human and not some magnificent beast chanced upon me.
Isn’t it ludicrous how our hearts make us feel this all-consuming love and admiration at first… then the blindness washes out and all that is left is someone who came to earth the same way we did and will leave us the same way they always do?
L | EPHANT