Astroturf & the Sky

Sleep on AstroTurf in the dead of night with your two best friends
one with the hiccups
one drunk
one laughing her ass off each time the boy hiccups.

Be 27
but also 6 years old

Escape reality because your time together makes the world stop

The stars pepper the sky looking down at you from their vantage point
smiling and shining at your pure joy in each other’s company

A lot of innocence slip away as we enter our late twenties
but when you’re laying uninhibited staring into the night
A piece of your innocence revisits
bringing fondest memories of forgotten friendship and youth.

 

 

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Loving you is like opening a fridge door

I open the refrigerator door knowing there’s nothing good inside save for leftovers and uncooked groceries.

10 minutes go by and I find myself insatiable for something delicious. So I open the refrigerator door once more hoping there’s something worth eating yet knowing it’s the same as I left it the last time I opened it.

Being with you makes me feel like this damned fridge with nothing good inside. I’m hopeful that each time I open it, something will change, but nothing ever does. I can’t seem to learn and go back for more each time.

I tell myself it’s not worth it. I’ll just leave feeling frustrated and disappointed each time. But like an old habit, I’ll open that door again soon enough and see the emptiness of our relationship filled with rotten leftovers.

Waiting Room

The room that gives & takes
With reflective floors sterilized clean

Worry penetrates the air
Anxiety drilled into the seats

In here, you see colorful magazines and dulled faces
In there, you fear the worst and wish for the best

These walls have collected decades of tears, screams, and prayers.
These doors have welcomed life and stripped away hope.

I can’t help but eavesdrop each time a doctor visits our area.
I can’t help but look away, promising myself to make no eye contact with anyone.

Nothing works.
Reading, playing games, watching TV.
My mind only strays and wanders.

The doctor will be here shortly
and the walls will eagerly wait to collect.

This is what falling for you feels like

My heart’s never pounded so fast,

nor has it ever felt this empty.

My tongue’s never tasted so dry,

nor has it been so thirsty for another.

My head’s never been so tormented,

nor have I ever thought I’d be so happy with being so smitten.

This conundrum I have is both liberating and suffocating.

This is how I endure puppy love.

The silly moments where I am lost in lust

but found in love.

 

When I Blinked, You Were Gone Again

I was an optimistic fool each time I fell in love with you…thinking this time now that we’re older, it’ll be different.

Telling myself, this time I’m not just a convenience. You’re back in my life again because you wanted us back together.

Tricking my mind to believing this time you’ll actually stay.

Optimistic fool was right because when I blinked, you were gone again.

 

The Magnificent Beast

After a while he became more human to me. It was like the fantasy of a perfect man disappeared. I saw him as none other than a regular man- one who gave everything to himself yet only a small fragment to me.

My quintessential vision of us started to slip and I saw a man… a man who no longer stood out from the crowd.

As heartbreaking as that sounds, I was finally liberated of my toxic love for him. I loved him then. I love him now, and I’ll love him still but at least we became equals. He became human and not some magnificent beast chanced upon me.

Isn’t it ludicrous how our hearts make us feel this all-consuming love and admiration at first… then the blindness washes out and all that is left is someone who came to earth the same way we did and will leave us the same way they always do?

 

L | EPHANT

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