Fkc Instagram. Here’s the real milestones I’ve hit.

Year 1, I give up something very precious and dear to me

Year 2, Doctors find abnormal cells in my body leading them to consider precancerous cells in my body

Year 3, the family house I grow up in catches fire

Year 3.5, my first long term boyfriend and I break up

Year 4, I give up eating red meat and chicken from fear of the food industry and getting hit with the worst food poisoning to date

Year 4.5, I give up alcohol after something I did that I fully regretted.

Social media highlights all the most precious moments in our lives but we forget to remember the bad. I guess it just gets too real and ugly for everyone to digest if I post these things. No one wants sadness painted on their feed so I’ll keep it real here.

Last summer, though I’ve suffered a tremendous loss, I realized my perseverance to be unwavering and everlasting. I handled what I could and remembered that this life that I call mine will always throw curveballs at me. It’s when these unfortunate events happen, that I assume power over the situation. If you asked me four years ago how I’d handle my house burning down on a random given day, how I’d handle finding out I would need to do biannual check ups until I clear these cells, how I’d bounce back from a 2 year break up– I would’ve failed to give you the details of my strength today.

The captain of the firefighting squad that day was surprised at my nonchalance. And, all I could say was, these things happen.

The Obstacle is the way right, Ryan? (Read it, it teaches us Stoicism and how people conquered their problems instead of retreating)

If I can’t pull through all of this, how am I ever going to overcome everything else tossed my way in the years to come? Life only gets harder, which means these curveballs will come at me faster. Everything is practice. Each step with these milestones only force me to lift harder, pedal faster, and rise higher.


Here’s looking to you. I’ll endure what news you’ll bring me just as I’ve endured these past four years.

You have more strength than you think you do. Believe in that. When life zips by and slams you down on the cement, you’ll always find something nearby to help you up. A rail… a kind human being holding out their hands… and if all those cease to exist, you have yourself to push off that gravel and keep going.



And then I lied to myself, just as I always did

I’d lie to myself the same way I’d lie to my friends.

To make them feel better during their moments of suffering. I couldn’t assuage their grief, but I could inspire courage in them to move on…

Help them ease the pain clouding their every detrimental feelings.

So I lied to myself like I had lied to them-

“It will be better, you are strong enough to withstand this”

Even though I knew very well, it doesn’t get better. It will get worse. There will come a time where I will cry longer and harder than I have now, and that’s okay. Because I would rather be hurt, cry, and eventually move on, than live through anymore toxic days without a modicum of change.

..and I’ll keep lying to myself, till things actually get better.

The phrase, “Fake it till you make it” never felt truer.


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