Fast Love

I thought it was okay for us to act so juvenile.
I thought it’s what people starting out in relationships do.

Puppy love starts out great and giddy.
First and second dates turn from bashful to exciting.
Casual dating grows quickly to mutually exclusive.

If we were both chasing love and happiness,
then the goals were clear.
No matter how many differences, we’d get there somehow.
Because the sex was animal.
The lust was ravenous.

But alas, like oil and water. You can mix and mix and mix.
Go as fast at it and as hard at it you want in the beginning,
In a matter of a short while though, the two always separate.

Because fast love isn’t real.
They’re out as quickly as they came in.
Leaving you still pulling up a bra strap, when they’ve already called a cab.

 

What Forgetting You is Like

Forgetting you is like rolling down the window driving on the coast and not smelling the musky salt water.
Forgetting you is like tapping on the table with my fingers and not hearing a sound,
it’s biting into an apple and not having a memorable sweetness explode on my tastebuds.

Forgetting you is like waking up and not seeing sunlight bleed through my curtains,
it’s touching cotton without feeling the soft warmth of a coat in an autumn night.

Forgetting you is forcing myself to forget the 5 senses. If I can smell, hear, taste, see and feel – you are there.

The way your scent is everywhere on my pillows and old jackets.
The way your old records are sitting on my shelf giving me a glimpse back into our old life when you’d take my hand and swing my body around to the tunes.
The way your silent breathing through the night calms me and helps me sleep.
The way your body felt in the morning when I climbed closer to steal your warmth.
The way your tongue tasted minty and aged after you’ve brushed your teeth from drinking whiskey all night.

Even when you aren’t here, all my memory stayed.

Forgetting you is like holding onto what’s familiar,
It’s expecting what was there to always be there.

My five senses will always hold you in memory, even when you aren’t here.

adult affection bed closeness
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Untitled Heartbreak

I cried a lot today
There’s pain I haven’t dealt with
Pain I’m unwilling to forget

but why?
Do I just like to feel hurt or is there a deeper root cause to why I always lack trust in others?

eyes hurt
heart shattered
and here I am lighting one up
standing alone in the dark
drenched in a cold loneliness where I feel safe

because no one can see my pain.
my defeat.

I’m embarrassed that I carry my head held high
yet deep inside, I’m just the same little girl.

Scared,
Defeated,

Shivering with self-hatred,
that the one who can’t love properly isn’t him, but me.

This Real Housewives Show Taught Me Accountability

I often find TV to be a mind-numbing sloth activity, best enjoyed with a big bag of chips, a weighted blanket and my hair messy in a bun.

To think that a show I consume as garbage or junk category of TV could teach me something is unheard of and probably a bit bewildering to anyone I tell it to. But in all honesty, after nine seasons of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I learned not only how truly blue collar my salary is (LOL), but also how to be accountable for words I say and the consequences that take form from my actions.

Watching Rinna, Dorit, Lisa, Kyle and the rest of the cast tangled up in the usual roundabout she-said-she-said, I realized that things that we say with only good intention could be conveyed and understood completely the opposite. I also realized that people can be truly hurt from the things said during rage and the effect it has on the receiving end is always more hurtful than person dishing it out.

I can’t recall any specific episode or brawl any of these ladies had, but I have learned to watch carefully how I say things to people and should I have said something that could come off mean or hurtful, to truly own up to those words.

Through the catty-ness, drama, and bickering these past nine seasons, I acknowledged how I should be accountable for my actions and always try to attack something head on than to brush it under the rug, hoping of course, that the rug stays put. Life doesn’t always turn out that way though. We hope to never surface any mistakes we’ve stashed away but somehow either by guilt or a rumor that spreads like wildfire, the hidden secrets are always uncovered. It’s better to face the issue head on, own up to mistakes and have a direct conversation to the person you have an issue with. It’s never helpful to discuss those incidents with an outside third party that can twist your words, play telephone until finally it reaches the person you’ve spoken about. By then, instead of something so small as being late to a lunch could turn into someone disrespecting the time of others and being selfish and inconsiderate of their own friends.

 

 

I tried this thing called Cryotherapy

For my very post on a new category I started called, New Kid on the Block, I aim to explore all new experiences starting with this new fad, Cryotherapy.

I’m not here to state the facts behind it all or the conspiracy others have about it. I’m simply sharing my first time with you all in all my honestly.

Price tag: Less than $30 per visit as I bought a groupon for 5 visits.

So I went in the heart of summer heatwave out in SoCal. I was intrigued after hearing Tony Robbins preach about it on a podcast with Tim Ferriss. From my other posts, some of you may know I basically idolize his work ethic and free individuality to not fall into social conforms. So if he likes it, hell, I’m gonna try it!

Upon arrival, they ask you to go out to the ladies to change into a bikini or short gym gear (basically as nude as you can possibly strip down to get the maximum breeze in that manmade igloo).

Then when you arrive at the front monitor where they set you up with a timer, the attendant asks you to choose a genre of music you like. I was really thrown off at this point. I hadn’t come prepared with any music in mind, kind of how your friends throw you on stage at a karaoke bar spur of the moment and you have no idea what to sing except I’m A Little TeaPot. The attendant must have noticed how stumped I was and recommended some fast paced music: ie Rage Against the Machine or Club music. At this point, I was terrified. It’s the excitement of doing something for the first time but not actually being able to do it for fear of the unknown. Again, the attendant kindly offered that she’ll join me inside and we can do jumping jacks or whatever to make the time go by fast.

Based on my weight and size, they recommended 5 minutes max inside the cryo chamber. The adage about watched pot never boils can similarly be applied here but times 10 because you have to endure it instead of simply waiting around.

I was able to bear the first minute. It was the last four that seemed infinite. We were talking, doing jumping jacks, (attendant had a sweater, ear muffs and mittens on), and running around the chamber to exhaust time. By the last two minutes, I saw the other attendant through the window throwing up a peace sign to resemble the minutes I had leftover. By then, I wholeheartedly had forgotten the point of going and just wanted out.

Finally, when they opened the door and I was out, my skin had a stiff and brisk sensation then immediate warm as I stepped into room temperature.

Results:

I had expected to feel like my bones weren’t near 3 decades but sadly, my body felt about 1:1 normal than before I had gone in. The major difference for me using the cryotherapy was more of how awake I had felt. My mind was rejuvenated. I had all these tasks start piling in a mental list and the determination to do them all.

Final Thoughts:

While the experience is fun and can become a somewhat interesting story to tell at dinners, I will say it wasn’t all what I expected and I wouldn’t come back only to torture myself for 5 minutes in a chilling ice box. I think I’m more made for the jimjilbangs (Korean Spas) where you have the option to be in an ice box for your own decided duration and then can hop into a clay room to heat up your entire body.

 

 

TIT-Today I Tried…(Yes, it’s a funny acronym)

I’ve been a chronic, serial, addicted, whatever-you-wanna-describe-it, face picker. It started probably in college. Should I blame stress? Or maybe it was just my own obsession with these moon size craters on my face but picking at these gross yet hypnotizing gems that oozed out was rather satisfying and intriguing.

Fast forward a decade, my face is now a battlefield plagued with scars. Hence the entry of my newfound obsession: trying out any new technology of the modern age to make my face as smooth as those Korean pop stars.

Groupon has been a huge supporter of this obsession. On the daily, I’d get newsletters curated to my needs, begging me to enter in my credit card and get a new voucher that promised a beautiful face after each session.

This week’s tryout? The Microcurrent LED Light therapy facial. The Blue light kills bacteria that spreads my gross acne germs while the microcurrent tightens your face muscles with electrical currents and gives my face a natural face lift.

The verdict? At Groupon price, I’d come back once a month for 6 months to see what great changes my face has but retail is $175 and I can hardly afford that to try it for half a year for a noticeable difference.

I will say though, the experience is totally painless opposed to previous facials I’ve gotten that include extractions where the esthetician will poke, prod, squeeze, and drain until you’ve felt that even your soul has left your body.

I attempted the 4 Hour Work Week – Part 1 Exercise and this is what happened

Everyone who’s entered the self help section at the front page of Amazon’s Popular Books has read or scrolled past the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. 

It was a magical journey to envision a life where with no distractions, you dive into a 4 hours of work per week and spend the rest…well, sipping MaiTais on a beach somewhere on the coast of a sunny city.

That fantasy is drastically short-lived the moment you finish the book and discover the exercises he’s listed out require a lot of calculations, research, and time.

My first attempt left me feeling like I should’ve started a year ago but continue to reflect back to these notes to remind myself of the end goal. Now the 4 hour work week may not work for everyone (some jobs actually do require us to be there the full 8 hours a day, 5 days a week). However, Ferriss will compel you to really dig into where we want to be TODAY, TOMORROW and future and how to get there by thinking smarter and starting NOW. I put the emphasis on ‘today and tomorrow’ because thinking about one day for us will only allow us to feel as though we can push it to be done another day instead of really starting literally NOW.

Here’s my attempt at the first exercise, and I will tell you, it motivated me. At the end of the day, thats what we really want to achieve right? ‘Getting past the starting point and feeling motivated to push through’

D is of Definition

Rules That Change the Rules Q&A

  1. How has being “realist” or responsible” kept you from the life you want?
    • I honestly found it challenging to address this. Asking myself if this is the life I want. I’m perfectly content with what I have but I guess that’s not what the question is digging for. My responsibilities have squandered my ability to travel the world. Being a realist has terrified me in traveling alone.
    • Starting a business or taking over the family business puts a fear inside of me that I’ve been running away from. It’s the common: “what if I fail cliche.”
  2. How has doing what you “should” resulted in subpar experiences or regret for not having done something else?
    • I’ve decided to not travel out of obligation to work and family.
    • I’ve felt responsible for my mother so I’ve taken out more of my time and funds to take care of her and my grandmother.
    • I’ve had too much overhead to allow myself to discover new things outside of routine and dedicate more time with hobbies and pursuing other careers that could offer financial freedom.
  3. Look at what you’re currently doing and ask yourself “What would happen if I did the opposite of the people around me? What will I sacrifice if I continue on this track for 5, 10, or 20 years?”
    • Sacrificing the peak of my youth, throwing it away chained to a desk or hiding in fear of failure.

Dodging Bullets:

  1. Define your nightmare, the absolute worst that could happen if you did what you are considering.
    • I could lose a shit ton of money
    • I could fail
    • I could waste sleepless days and nights, the one thing no one is richer than the other with: time.
    • People would call me a failure
    • My family would look down on me
    • Social circle would laugh at my downfall
  2. What steps could you take to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing, even if temporarily?
    • Re-strategize and re-brand.
    • Ask for help
    • If above 2 do not make it, liquidate & find new opportunities. Life is too short beating a dead horse after the second attempt in checking for signs of life.
  3. What are the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent, of more probable scenarios?
    • I could bee my own boss bitch
    • I would be liberated to my own hours. Time would be fluid yet daunting.
  4. If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to get things under financial control?
    • I’d start budgeting my rainy day funds and finding the best possible way for maximum amount of time I could fare without having anything re-po’d.
    • I would immediately look for a night job and spend the day working on my passion: either to polish my writing or work on biz dev.
  5. What are you putting off out of fear?
    • My current quality of life
    • overhead I need, responsibilities for other humans
  6. What is it costing you- financially, emotionally, and physically- to postpone action?
    • Financially: wealth is measured in lots of ways, in this particular, I wouldn’t know. It depends on possible projections
    • Emotionally: lots of terrifying excitement and anxiety with my ever ticking age
    • Physical: lack of prime phase in my life to traverse in uncharted waters
  7. What are you waiting for?
    • dare I say it? A sign, a fire under my ass. I’m not sure. I’ve fallen into the comfortable couch most call, “complacency.”

System Rest:

  1. What would you do if there were no way you could fail? If you were 10 times smarter than the rest of the world?
    • 1. Finish my many different stories bubbling and expanding in my imagination
      • market the hell out of it and create a franchise and licensing arm behind the characters
      • find a philanthropy to collaborate with
    • 2. Learn a new language in a year
    • 3. Tour Europe before I’m 30.
    • 4. Start my own thing before I hit 30.
    • 5. Move to a new city
  2. Drawing a blank?
    • n/a
  3. What does “being” entail doing?
    • I honestly dont know yet
  4. What are the four dreams that would change it all?
    • Quit my day job and continue to read/write
    • Move to a city that doesn’t have high living costs and a stressful lifestyle
    • Buy a larger house that offers a wider dining hall and spacious kitchen
    • Start a smaller business or franchise and dedicate my all to see it succeed.
  5. Determine the cost of these dreams and calculate your Target Monthly Income for both timelines.
    • Min 35K a year is needed to quit day job but survive and eat while paying for my mortgage
    • Moving to a city isn’t an option in my current timeline with friends, family and partner
    • Min 120K for down payment to a larger house, meaning I’ll need to save at least $10k per month to get there in one year which isn’t feasible since I dont even make 10k per month currently. To stretch that further, I could save $5k a month for 2 years to get to that amount but the sacrifice would then be a very lean diet and even leaner lifestyle.
    • Even thinking about opening a smaller business makes me perspire. Where do i start? What industry? What product? How much research in market analysis? What’s the current overhead and investment starting amount? How lucrative will it be? When will I be net positive?
      • Just jotting down the anxieties give me more anxiety, but again, Ferris provides us with these exercises to get us started.

I’m not looking for the 4 hour work week. I’m not antsy to get myself there next month or even next year. But reading the book and the exercises it provides is enough practice to motivate me to start thinking about a different financial freedom. One that will actually free myself

What will you choose on this Earth’s Day?

When the world is ablaze, do you turn left where nothing’s right or do you turn right where nothing’s left?

Will you run towards the fire and burn with it, or will you race against time to find a way to save it?

When we’re placed in imminent danger, there’s a fight or flight response in our reflexes to do something. Anything. Sure the first 3 seconds our brain goes into shock and we go numb in order to process the situation but once the download reaches 100, a decision is made.

So I ask again, when the world is ablaze, do you turn towards the fire and burn with it knowing full well the dangers but not doing a damn thing to distinguish the flames or do you race against time in arms with our sisters and brothers to find a solution to the problems we’ve created as man?

Though the global issues aren’t grime as eternal damnation on earth but I implore you to contemplate how much bystanders effect you’ve allowed yourself across issues that are inevitable to our planet.

  1. Plastics endangering our lands and seas.
  2. Mass shootings growing in an exponential rate
  3. Food consumption rate coupled with growing population depleting our resources
  4. Global warming, rising sea levels

What do we live for if there will be no clean air, safe communities, sustenance, and stable properties available? Or the better question, how will we survive the near future?

Some key activists + articles that are better at explaining the state of the union better than myself:

  1. Greta Thunberg on global warming
  2.  Parkland Parents on gun reform
  3. Plasticarium 
  4. Food waste and production demand

Take a stand. Care about something other than your small nucleus of work, family, friends, hobbies, repeat. For your future comfort, and the generations to come, stand for something this Earth’s day.