I’d lie to myself the same way I’d lie to my friends.
To make them feel better during their moments of suffering. I couldn’t assuage their grief, but I could inspire courage in them to move on…
Help them ease the pain clouding their every detrimental feelings.
So I lied to myself like I had lied to them-
“It will be better, you are strong enough to withstand this”
Even though I knew very well, it doesn’t get better. It will get worse. There will come a time where I will cry longer and harder than I have now, and that’s okay. Because I would rather be hurt, cry, and eventually move on, than live through anymore toxic days without a modicum of change.
..and I’ll keep lying to myself, till things actually get better.
The phrase, “Fake it till you make it” never felt truer.