Dedicated this to you…

I had written this two years ago, on Jan 30, 2015, as a dedication to a good friend of mine.

I can be mad at the world for a hundred million thousand things

I can cry and punch like a child; screaming that it’s not fair

But no one ever prepares you for the news you hear at the dinner table one day

the sound of her tongue putting together the words you never thought possible

at least not in your naive world

not in the world you grew up where sunflowers smelled like kindergarten

where music brought you to the stage with your parents sitting first row at your piano recital.

no, you will never be prepared for it.

I wasn’t last year when a friend was diagnosed with stage 4.

and I definitely wasn’t sitting next to her at the dinner table facing her with all the strength I have left to be brave for her… and for us…

It’s not fair someone so close to me has to endure this kind of pain. Doesn’t matter at what stage- cancer is cancer. But we’ll get through this together.

You are my olive theory. You are my soul mate.

Nothing in this world could rip away the strings that attach me to you. We are one and we will fight every single rogue cell until you are better again.

l | ephant

 

At the end of last year, I had gotten my annual physical.

Normal. Routine check up.

Except not.

Two weeks ago the tests came back that I had abnormalities in my cells. Almost same situation my friend had. I remember the morning I opened the email from my doctor to schedule an immediate follow up for a more thorough examination. Sitting at my desk at work, tears rushing out of my eyes and face swelling up, I could barely contain the emotions pouring out of me. For those of you who’ve been following me since I started my blog, I wanted to share the truth behind why I felt the need to post. This blog is an avenue for me to express what I cannot share with others yet. The anonymity of it all- to share my thoughts and challenges in life, created something harmonizing within me. I can speak about it without getting overly emotional instead of sharing with my loved ones and fearing their concerns. I can comfort myself and share with others my confusion and pain; expressing gratitude for what I have now until I find out more.

The beauty of sharing to no one but in end, everyone.

 

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